life isn't fair & i'm tired of feeling shitty all the time and going to funerals all the time and just being sad all the time.

Super. long. post.

2007 has decided to fuck me over. Ever since February I've been in this state of fucked over-ness that doesn't go away. When something good happens, something worse takes over my life. People say, yes, you are in college. You are supposed to feel this way.

After last semester ended, I was pretty optimistic about this fall. I would start anew and just have a much semester. I told myself, that things couldn't get worse but they did. It wasn't academics or friends (yet) it was purely my family situation at the end of summer. Then it became the stress of finishing academics and trying to do well and the stress of a McNair conference in Maryland. But the worst of all, I think what prevents me from keeping going is my support. I do have some amazing friends, which sucks because all I do is think about my friends who aren't. Who aren't supporting me.

I am trying to analyze my life. Figure out what's going on in my head. I feel like some of my friends and I got along when we were first-years because we had immature relationships, not real friendships. And I realized this last semester, but thought that if I had talked to them about it, things would change. But my life's fucked up and they act as if my life and their life is great.

It's okay for you to smile in front of me. I don't want you to see me and think there is this huge cloud over my head, that if you say the wrong thing, it'll start pouring. But you know it's not sunny above my head and you never ask me how that's going.

I'm also pissed off at people who I put efforts into friendships with but never give back. Or are putting efforts into brand new friendships because maybe they realize being my friend is too difficult? Well, I apologize if I don't tolerate your racist comments, and make you, a person of color understand, that yes, you are actually harming people in your own fucking community by being exclusive and yes, oppressive.

I think I'm actually sad that a lot of people graduated than I thought it would be. At API commencement in may, my professor came up to me and told me that I was brave for everything that I had gone through that semester. I wanted to cry in front of her but I held it in until I got to my room. And I thought that it was so meaningful that she told me, in that space, where what helped get me through were my wonderful API mentors and friends.

this post doesn't make any sense. is random. and just makes me sound like a crazy person.

high school musical 2

I remembering hearing about High School Musical one. I was confused. So much hype about a television movie? A Disney television movie? I think I read a review about the DVD from Entertainment Weekly. So I rented it and watched it, maybe about three times before I had to return the two-day rental. I haven't decided if the sequel is more addicting than the first. Yay, for cable channels repeats this weekend. I wonder how many double-digit millions nielson will tell us tomororw.



And can I just ask when are they going to start on #3?

my favorites (so far) '07: movies

I saw that Rottentomatoes.com did a RT's Mid-Year Report, so I'm doing a Sandra-mid-year-favorites-report.

my fave - movies
(of those that i've seen)

1. Waitress

Starring: Keri Russell
Released May 2, 2007

2. Ratatouille

Starring: Patton Oswalt, Brad Garrett
Released June 29, 2007

3. Once

Starring: Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová
Released May 18, 2007

4. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson
Released: July 11, 2007

5. The Host

Starring: Kang-ho Song, Byun Hee-bong
Released: March 9, 2007

• Noteworthy: Sicko, A Mighty Heart
• The Painful: Spider-man 3, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Movies I want to see:
Hairspray, Stephanie Dailey, Becoming Jane, Across the Universe, Dedication, Fanboys

i can do this. i can do this.

year 2007,

why do you consistently feel the need to fuck me over?

whenever i lead a class discussion, things tend to get so messed up that the prof has to take over. 2nd time.

i only slept one hour last night.
take care,
-s