They put those rats in cages, don't they?

This summer I am working for 5 weeks with a professor doing research at a high school. It takes me almost 2 hours to commute, maybe 1 1/2 on a good day. I began thinking that it would be something light I could take on, and still have time for the usual leisure summer activities. In the third week, I still somewhat thought I could achieve this. But on the last day of my week, on Thursday I felt the strain on myself. Maybe it is because I am simply not getting enough sleep. I felt the stress get to me.

I am a sociology major, so basically the research methodology when we are not doing focus groups, or other forms of interviews through this qualitative work is to observe in the field, everything that we experience or see. While I usually analyze things sociologically, needing to, and needing to remember to is so tiring. I think on Thursday during lunch, I mentally checked out. All I wanted to do was eat my lunch. I didn't want to have to listen and hear what other students were saying that weren't talking to me. I didn't want to analyze anyone's actions, except relax on my own. Maybe I was just having a bad day. Maybe I should listen to Daniel Powter.

However, I think all of this, I could deal with. Yet, unlike maybe other types of research, like for instance, chemistry or biology is not as emotionally taxing. We started talking about reciprocity in our research on Thursday before we left the site. I think maybe this is where I felt a bit helpless. I want to be able to give back and help these students either in if it's just talking about my own experiences with race, or giving workshops or whatnot. It was so frustrating leaving the school day with that somewhat sense of helplessness. I started calling all my friends because I just needed to get it out. I reached Mara, and I basically verbally vomited on her how I was feeling.

I go back to the school tomorrow and only have 2 more weeks left. On the other hand, I feel like a total academic nerd because I love doing this. When I did my research last year with elementary school students, I think that was the most fun I had writing a paper. I think after my interviews, no matter how they go, I am excited that I did get to learn about this person and get to see life through their eyes.